I wonder if she’s still alive

I just realized that it has been a long time since I’ve seen an attack on me by a deranged ex-girlfriend.

It was a long long time ago, a relationship went bad and I picked up the pieces and went on with my life. Pretty much forgot about her, except for the annual hate letter that always got photocopied and a copy left with a friend in the local police department, just in case I had to shoot her in “self-defense” as it were. But otherwise she was a face on an old photograph.

Then, one August, I got a truly lunatic missive from her, sent by priority mail no less, the ravings of a madwoman. Crazed, disjointed, accusing me of psionically stalking her since the relationship ended, as if I had nothing better to do with my time. I showed the letter to all my friends of course so they could join in the laughter and one day while having lunch in the local eatery I hung out at, my cop friend came in and I gave him a copy of it saying, “Just in case anything should happen to me.” He read it and asked if I needed a concealed weapons permit.

And then I forgot her again, dealt with a major personal crisis, got married and one day learned that she was having at me online. Well, it was fun, reading her fulminate and fume and tweaking her with my own website. And at the same time watching her mind disintegrate into a combination of hate and paranoia, I actually sort of felt sorry for her and praised whatever gods were looking out for me that the relationship ended and I did not end up married to the crazy bitch. I certainly felt sorry for the poor man who did marry her and came to the conclusion that it would have been kinder if I had allowed my Grandfather (an offical in the Teamster’s Union) to have them both killed like he wanted to.

The lunacy, there is no other word for it, continued for a number of years, her writing growing more and more strident, more frustrated, more, well, lunatic. She kept describing me as the Monster From the Pit, but the problem she faced is that I have worked very hard to have a public image as The Monster From the Pit, so it was sort of like water off a duck. I would forward the stuff to my friends and they would laugh with me at her.

And finally I decided that I had had enough. So I did start having fun with her. And I’m sure she could never quite figure out if it was a dream, or something else, of me standing by her bed saying, “You don’t even want to think about what I have planned for your daughter.”

Of course I had nothing at all planned for her daughter. If she is anything like her mother I would not want to be on the same planet with her.

Well, I googled her today and found nothing recent. Maybe her madness has finally caught up with her. In any event, I will miss feeding off that energy she wasted attacking me.


2 Responses to “I wonder if she’s still alive”

  1. hex Says:

    Yeah Uncle Chuckie, I kind of have to chuckle at all the folks who have just sort of “exited” my life after having applied your teachings over the years. Usually they’d have a string of misfortunes, and then just sort of depart the situation where we were forced to interact for other reasons. Thanks for all your hard work!

    • drpsionic Says:

      I think the high point was when I called upon my old friend Pazuzu and said, “Have fun.”

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