Ninevah

Everyone knows the story of Jonah pretty much, for those who don’t, let me give you a little refresher.

Jonah was sitting under a tree and God said, “Guess what! You won the lottery! I’m sending you to the wicked city of Ninevah to let them know I am going to blast the living shit out of their sorry sinner asses.”

Well, Jonah, figuring that the good Ninevahns might not take kindly to this and kill him, ran for his life. He got on a boat, a huge storm came up and the crew decided to sacrifice him to Dagon, by throwing him overboard to be devoured by Cthulhu. Well, Cthulhu didn’t want him and a big fish, usually called a whale but it was probably Leviathan, got him for dinner. Only Jonah was indigestible and the fish puked him out.

Well, after that experience, Jonah decided that it made more sense to be killed by the Assyrians so he got to Ninevah and preached. Turns out he was pretty good at it because the Assyrian king said, “Everyone repent!” And they did! In fact they did it so heartily that God looked down and said, “Maybe I was a little hasty..”

Now what has this bit of silliness got to do with anything? Most preachers use the example of Jonah as an example of faith overcoming fear, which is nuts because it is merely one fear overcoming another one, in this case the fear of being digested by Leviathan. But what our Evangelical friends are thinking when they read this is if the Government, or the President, where to call for national repentance, somehow it would work.

I know, they needs their brains examined, if they can be found. This ain’t Ninevah! If the Congress or worse, the President, were to call for national repentance, the laughter would be heard all the way to Andromeda, though it would take a while to get there Andromeda being as far as it is.

But that does not deter them. They really imagine that people would do that.

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