Archive for April, 2018

A Tale of the Cosimanian Orthodox


Every once in a while I hear from my loyal followers and I would love to post this on my friend Rod Dreher’s blog sometime but I think he would try to kill me.

But, as it is too good to pass up, I’m going to post it here where I can get away with it.

As the Truths of Cosimanian Orthodoxy spread, we are starting to get whole families converted.  This is interesting.  It would be more interesting if they would tithe.  Uncle Chuckie can use the money so please have your rich uncle remember me in his will before he dies the next day.  I digress.

Well, being good Cosimanian Orthodox the whole family, father, mother, offspring and even the resident grandmother are diligent in studying the Holy Word of Uncle Chuckie and putting the wisdom therein into practice.  Their oldest son is 18 and he built his first box and helmet when he was 13, which he immediately used to remove an overly officious school administrator–permanently.  Something about a brain tumor or such like thing.

The young man is in college now and has discovered that it is pretty easy to use meditation to retain information and ace tests, always a useful skill for the young, as well as for other forms of entertainment, usually involving girls deciding to take their clothes off for no apparent reason.

Now it turns out that at home the neighbors across the street are folks who are in the habit of reading a certain blogger who will mercifully be nameless and they take him seriously.  This is funny because that means they have also been exposed to my wisdom and of course we all hope that they will come to the True Faith before the Cosimanian Orthodox inquisition has to drag them to it.  Really, I’m telling a true story here and I don’t believe it.  It gets even crazier.

What happens when the Benedict Option really runs headlong into Cosimanian Orthodoxy?  Disaster for them.

One problem with the Ben Op is that the people in it will have to deal with people who aren’t and really don’t like them.  Rod is cool.  He likes Wisconsin beer.  The problem with both of us is our followers tend to extremes.  His are obsessed with their idea of purity.  They really think sex matters, especially in the avoidance by it of the young.  Mine are, well, pussy is for grabbing and consent is for sissies.  You are probably seeing where this is going but no, it is not going there.  The Cosimanian Orthodox young man wants absolutely nothing to do with the Ben Op girl.  A: she is a bit too young.  B: even if she were not the last thing he wants is to hear prayers before, well, you know.

But because the neighbors are such a total pain in the behind about things, like smartphones (seems they had such a screaming fight about them that someone called the police and my follower is convinced they are really abusing their children) that no one really wants to be around them for any length of time.  Not surprising.  I’ve read the man’s posts.  I mean there are people who contribute to Rod’s blog whom I would never want a child exposed to and I’m sure they give daily thanks that I was never a parent.  Anyway, it seems the smartphone and, gasp, porn thing really came to a head with the man telling my person about how terrible they are and how they push porn into the minds of children, which is a very stupid thing to say to a Cosimanian Orthodox.  It is kind of like waving a red flag in front of a bull because we push things into people’s minds all the time whether they like it or not.  Remember, consent is for sissies.

Of course the crazy neighbor had no idea what he was getting his family into and after two hours of this my follower found a way to escape, and lasted long enough to get into house whereupon he laughed so hard he almost fell over.  His son naturally wanted to know what was funny and after he managed to compose himself and avoid internal bleeding, (That really happened to my mother.  It seems the arch-Catholic neighbor lady told her that after a late period she had the sanitary napkin baptized.  My mother held it in long enough to get home and laughed so hard she broke something and ended up in the hospital for three days.) my follower managed to choke out the story.

As you can imagine this left his son convulsing.  It also caused him to remember something from one of my videos about psionics and censorship, moving him to, with holy resolve and the inspiration of the Word of Uncle Chuckie to have some real fun at the expense of the neighbor.

Delving into his collection of porn, the young man set up his box and helmet to broadcast directly into the subconscious minds of the children of the family across the street and then, while they would be sleeping, he let them have it with all six .50s for as it is written, “True joy is found in the corruption of the innocent.”

When those kids get older, there are going to be some really interesting family dinners.  They will be like the Catholic girls I knew when I was young who had been raised pre-Vatican 2 and when they got into college their religion came off even faster than their clothes.  They will be programmed to hop into bed with the first eligible boy who comes along.

Sorry Rod, I hate to tell you, but there is no safe place.  There is nothing any parent can do to protect their kids, especially if there are Cosimanian Orthodox about, prowling like lions seeking whomever they can devour.  Your Ben Op folks are going to have big “Kick Me” signs on their backs.  This is why the Ben Op will fail.  It will not be from jack-booted SJW thugs.  It will be from annoyed neighbors beaming things into the brains of their children.






My wife and are possessed of the habit of eating.  I am told it is a common condition and nothing to worry about.  In any event, we usually eat lunch in some local eatery before grocery shopping.  It gets us out of the trailer park.

Well, today we ate a chain place called Perkins.  It’s not bad as such things go, a bit overpriced, like everything but the food is pretty good and the service usually tolerable.  As an added benefit it attracts a lot of old folks for lunch and we can be the youngest people in the place.  Today we even had some extra entertainment as a paramedic truck came to pick up one of the elder folk who had some trouble breathing.  For a time we thought it was the cook hyperventilating from actually having to work.

So while we were sitting waiting for our food to be killed, slaughtered and cooked (it seems the potatoes for the Freedom Fries had escaped and had to be hunted down with shotguns.  Fortunately this is hunting country and shotguns were readily available. )  Amidst the banging noises of the potato hunt, we looked at some of the advertising cards festooning the table.  They are the usual stuff advertising things that at our age would cause us to need the services of the paramedics but one was, well, really funny.

It was advertising what they called “late night” food from, ok, you can start laughing, 9 PM to closing.  Late?  9 PM?  In what part of God’s creation is 9 PM late?  In the corporate headquarters in Bugtussel, Alabama where everyone goes to bed at dark to save kerosene for the family lamp?  Really, it is absolutely ridiculous.

Ok, I should not pick on them too much.  Everyone is entitled to a moment of incredible stupidity and corporations were created to be laughed at.  We should be grateful that they give us this opportunity to laugh every time we eat there while wondering how long it will take them to hunt the food and which old person the paramedics are coming for this time.



A bunch of my loyal disciples have wondered why I left facebook and they are speculating a lot about it.   Well, to begin with, I have not left facebook.  I still need it as a means of communication with some people who have no other efficient way of contacting me, as we never even have our telephone ringers on.  (I have always hated the telephone and considered it an annoyance.)  What I have done is cut severely back on my use of it, particularly never looking at the newsfeed.  There is a reason for this.

Looking a the newsfeed on facebook was endangering my emotional health.  I have a temper.  I have a very hot temper and I have spent my entire adult life working to control it.  People who have seen me really angry do not forget it, assuming they are still capable of memory.  facebook is set up with an algorithm designed to feed things to people that will anger them.  This is lunacy but in the minds of the loons who run that thing, it increases pageviews which they can then take to advertisers and promise them viewers for their garbage.  Most facebook ads are easily dealt with with a good adblocker and I use mine.  I will not bother with a site that won’t load because of it.  I can live without that site.  The method facebook uses to get around it is to sneak ads into the newsfeed as things people have posted.  I always hide them and respond to the little question as to why is that it is not relevant to me.  I would respond to all of them that way and it was satisfying knowing that I was driving someone in marketing crazy.

What I really would like to have been able to do would be to respond to the silly question of  how to send me better ads would be to say, “Don’t bother sending any.  Whatever it is, I’m not going to buy it.”  But enough is enough.  I’m not going to look at the newsfeed any more so I’m not going to see them.  Problem solved.

The other reason is that I spend a lot of time unfollowing people or blocking them.  I don’t give a damn about their stupid politics and all they are doing is raising my blood pressure.  When you get to the point where you are looking at pictures of people who have been good friends of yours forever and thinking “witness sample” and what is the easiest way to blast this person to perdition with psionics, it is time to walk away.

So there it is.  I’ve had it.  I go on once a day in the morning to check for private messages and there are a couple of groups I read, as well as going on to dump some pearls of wisdom onto my page. The rest of it can go to hell.

My blood pressure is better off without it.